Every second of the day, thousands of us find ourselves in the middle of a breakup with someone we deeply care about. Things sometimes happen so fast you can go from “happy and in love” to “confused as hell” in the blink of an eye. It’s even worse if you’re the one getting dumped, and you aren’t even sure why.
If that’s not confusing enough, everything about getting an ex back seems to be counterintuitive. Follow your emotions – scare them away. Call or text them and pour your guts out to them – scare them away. Tell them how much you love them, miss them, and want them back – scare them away. Buy them flowers or leave them an apology note –scare them away. I think you get the idea.
Everything that seems like it SHOULD work to get an ex back doesn’t. It backfires and pushes your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend further and further away.
But don’t let that stop you. A breakup doesn’t mean the relationship is over forever. There are many things you can do to win back your ex, but nobody teaches you this stuff when you’re growing up. So usually you have to fall on your face a few times before you eventually figure it out. Of course, by then the person you really want to be with may be gone for good.
In recent years, a number of good “get your ex back guides” have come out. These are lifesavers for many people. They teach you step-by-step what to do and say if you want to make up with your ex and get back together. One of the more popular ones is called Text Your Ex Back, and it’s written by Seattle-based relationship author, Michael Fiore (www.michaelfiore.org).
Obviously, these guides aren’t 100% bullet-proof, but they can really help if you’re confused, hurting, and struggling to figure out exactly what to do or say to make up with your ex. They can really help lay the foundation for getting back together.
Below I’ve come up with 10 tips I hope will help you make up with your ex. These are things I’ve learned over the years. They are based on my own traumatic breakup experiences as well as what I’ve learned studying other resources. It’s not a complete list, but it’s a good start and will give you a good understanding of what to expect if you want to get your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend back.
10 Tips To Win Your Ex Back
1. No contact works. Give yourself and your ex space and time. It’s hard as hell sometimes, but it’s crucial to give your ex time to miss you.
2. If you broke up recently, don’t be the one to initiate contact. If your ex contacts you, keep the conversation short and light. Don’t fall into the trap of talking about the breakup.
3. Pay attention to subtle clues that your ex is still interested in you. These can be things like tone of voice, things they say, things they do, etc.
4. Don’t rush. With emotions running high after a breakup, you’ll have the urge to get your ex back fast. You need to fight that urge. Slow and steady wins the race.
5. If your ex asks you out on a date, try to do something exciting the two of you can bond over. This means no typical dinner and a movie. Instead, opt for something more active that occupies you both physically and emotionally. This might be something like rock-climbing, jet skiing, go-cart racing, etc. An added element of danger is proven to bond people closer together.
6. Stay on top of your appearance. Being in better shape, changing your hair style, buying new clothes, or just changing your appearance can help make your ex feel like they are involved with a new person in a new relationship.
7. Reflect on the past relationship until you understand why it happened. Then, let it go and focus forward. It’s important to understand why the relationship ended so you can fix things the second go around, but continuing to dwell on the past is counter-productive.
8. Be patient. If they start to show interest again, don’t jump the gun. A tiger that pounces too early never catches the deer.
9. Apologize if you did something wrong. Say you’re sorry, but just do it once and then let it be. Don’t apologize over and over and over again for the same thing.
10. Don’t be afraid to seek help. Going through a breakup can make you feel worthless and embarrassed, but don’t let those feelings keep you from getting the help and support you need. There are a lot of really good guides that can help, so get one and put it to use.
Breakups are hard, but it does get better! I hope these tips help.